A post about believing in yourself...
bizlittlemomma
regardless of what other people may say or do...

According To You lyrics
Songwriters: Diamond, Steve; Frampton, Andrew;According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right
According to you I'm difficult, hard to please
Forever changing my mind

I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time
Even if it would save my life
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

According to you I'm boring, I'm moody
And you can't take me any place
According to you I suck at telling jokes
'Cause I always give it away

I'm the girl with the worst attention span
You're the boy who puts up with that
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

I need to feel appreciated
Like I'm not hated, oh no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad, you're making me dizzy

But according to me you're stupid, you're useless
You can't do anything right

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
Baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you, you
According to you, you

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right.

(no subject)
bizlittlemomma
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail

I'm guessing this would be referring to my goals, my aspirations etc. I guess I could share a few things on my bucket list. I may never get to do all of these things but it gives me something to work towards...

I would love to be able to go to a different country. One that is in greater need then most. I would love to be able to reach out and help people less fortunate than myself. I feel so fortunate to have what I do and it would feel even better to give people even a fraction of what I have.

I would love to go to school and become a nurse. I know that it is a rough profession. I know the long tireless hours that it requires. But I also know the feeling I would have from helping people. And that to me is worth every bit of the effort.

I would like to take my children on a wonderful family vacation. Somewhere really fun. Unforgettable.

I would absolutely love to live in the same town as all of our family. Both my side and Brian's side.

I wish to live a long and happy life. Enjoy my husband and my kids. And that honestly is all I can ask for.





Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail

Wow, definitely having a hard time with this one. I remember two but can't remember which one happened first. I led a very sheltered life. Dad didn't like the thought of his little girl growing up too fast I guess. So I wasn't allowed to date until the age of 16. But like most little girls, I liked boys. And found myself a few times in innocent situations as a young girl. One was with a boy that I had a crush on I think around the age of 12. We hung around together at the playground one summer. His name was Josh. We liked to climb a tree behind one of the churches on the base we lived on. While we were climbing one day he leaned over and gave me a quick innocent little peck on the lips. I was surprised by it and didn't know what to say. I don't know if he was embarassed but he jumped down out of the tree immediately and ran off. I think this was my very first.

The other time I can think of was right in front of my house. I palled around with a boy named Matt. He hung around a lot and I thought sometimes annoying but he was a friend. And he was company. I was sitting on my front step one day and he was standing in front of me. He leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I didn't hang out with him much after that.

Still to come: (Guess I have a hard time following a schedule. :P ) Oh well.

Day 17 – Your favourite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favourite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favourite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detailj

Stuff about stuff - Days 7, 8 & 9
bizlittlemomma
Wow, I'm far behind. I guess I try to get caught up while I have the opportunity.

Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail -

Well, I've had a lot of different best friends over my lifetime. Lot's in high school. Loads in grade school. Not so many right after high school or when I had Joshua. I feel like I lost the ability somehow to make friends. I had to relearn how. So when we moved to New Brunswick I went back to work at a movie store and met a very vibrant lady who was around my age. We probably weren't the two you would automatically put together. I was pretty quiet and very reserved and she was outspoken and well...typical of a french person. Colorful. :P And I'm sure she would admit to this very description and be very proud of it. We got to know each other through work but continued it outside of work. She was a great support for me and a lot of fun to be around. She taught me to think outside my own box and to have a little fun once in a while and I think I taught her some things, but you'd have to ask her that. :) Even though we had to move away from there we still keep in touch and are still great friends at a distance.
When we moved here, it was hard. I had just had my second baby. I made a promise to myself that I would get out and meet people so that I wouldn't isolate myself as I had with Joshua. So out I went. To breastfeeding support group, to hockey with Joshua. Still nobody I could relate to. This town was so hard to make friends in. People already seem to have friends and nobody these days bothers visiting the way our parents always did. Relationships don't feel the same as they once did. So I ended up a little isolated and got a little down. Then I went to work at Wal-Mart. I wasn't expecting a lot. I thought most of the people that worked there were young and in a different world than myself. But it was a way for me to get out. So I tried. I met a few people, and through those people I met my friend Marlene. She came to my house for a girls poker night and I immediately felt as though we were kindrid spirits. We wound up becoming fast friends. She has children around the same age as mine. Our husbands are similar in personality. So we have a lot to talk about. Through the low times in my life here she has been there for me. While my husband has been away she has been my solace. It's nice to have a friend you can depend on and have fun with. I'd feel pretty alone without her.
And I can't end this without mentioning my sister Amanda. We've had ups and downs in our life and I don't know where I would be without her. We don't always see eye to eye. But we love each other and support each other through it all. She was here when I had Alexander and I can tell you I don't think I would have made it through without her. And she braved a plane to do it. :P I don't think she'll ever get on one again though. I know she's the one best friend that will always be there for me. So I guess we're better than best friends. We're sisters.

Day 08 – A moment, in great detail -

Boy this one is hard. There have been so many memorable moments in my lifetime. It's hard to write about a single moment. I suppose I could write about the day I went to do my drivers test. I had been taking driving lessons. And the night before I took the test I had made several mistakes on my pre-test drive. So I don't really know how I expected to do the next day. Nevertheless I showed up. My instructor sat down to wait and away we went. I drove, I talked, I followed his instructions. And before I knew it we were back at the office. After I parked he took a few more notes and he said "Okay let's get you in and get you taken care of." I was so exited and blurted out "So I passed?" with a tad bit of shock. Even funnier was when I walked in, gave my instructor the thumbs up to say I had passed and he had the most surprised expression I have ever seen on a person. :) It definitely made my experience memorable. And I'm happy to have the freedom of a license. I don't know what I did without it.

Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail

I believe in hope. I believe that the world is a beautiful place, but sometimes you have to look for that beauty. I believe that we can effect other people's lives in ways that we don't even realize. And that if we spend more of our time doing that in a positive way more good will come of that than being negative. I believe in making the most of every moment we have because in the blink of an eye they are gone. I don't believe that you always get what you put into things. But if you don't bother working hard nothing good will ever come out of anything. Basically, do nothing, get nothing. I believe in my husband and our marriage. I believe I have strength and potential. I believe in doing things on your own terms on your own time. I don't believe anyone fits a particular mold and that if more people appreciated the differences in people the world would be a more beautiful place. I believe religion should be in a persons heart and not defined by the judgmental people on this earth. It should be personal. I believe in listening to others ideas and learning whatever I can through experience. I believe in the lifelong pursuit of knowledge. I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot more beliefs but it's a hard thing to put to paper. I suppose if you want to know more, you'll have to ask about it. :)

Stuff about stuff - Day 5
bizlittlemomma
My definition of Love...

This is going to be a hard one to really put into words. I don't really believe that love can be described in a definitive manner. It can happen anywhere, any time, unexpected or not.

I knew before I had them that I was going to love my children with every fiber of my being. And with every day that I spend with them that bond grows and I know that I couldn't picture my life without them. They are each a part of me in their own special way. And it pains me to see them hurting, and I rejoice in their successes. I guess expected is the wrong way to describe it. Natural may be a better word to use. Same for the love I have for my parents and brothers and sisters. That's just the way it has always been and always will be. A natural occurrence.

Although unnatural isn't exactly the way I would describe the love for my husband. We sort of found each other and sort of found out how much we fit over time. The longer I am with him, the more I fall in love with him. We learn things from each other and grow just by being with each other. But it is very hard to define it. I can't tell you what I mean to him, that's for him to define. But he makes me feel like I could go out and make the impossible happen if I really put mind to it. He makes me feel like a good person and a good mother. I trust him with everything that I have. It's not a perfect thing. But I don't believe that anything is. We make mistakes. We hurt each other once in a while. We make up. (I like making up.) He can still kiss me and make toes curl (as my mother puts it.)

You know that corny saying from Jerry McGuire? "You complete me..." Well I don't really think I need anyone to complete me, because I am a whole person. But I do think my husband compliments me. He brings out the good in me and I hope I do him. At the same time, I am learning to love myself. It's a hard thing to get to know oneself. But very slowly I am learning. And all the while I am trying to continue to love everyone else in my life.

So I guess that's not really a definition so much as a description. Love is the feeling you get when you are with beautiful people.

Stuff about stuff - Day 3
bizlittlemomma
My parents in great detail.

Well, I'll start with my Dad, whom I love dearly and who has been the sole person in my life from the very beginning. (Barring the time he traveled when he was in the military.)

He was born in Sydney, NS. He grew up with five brothers and sisters all of whom he is fairly close to. He loved to impersonate Elvis and sing. He was in Cadets growing up just like I was. He met my biological mother at the age of 18, joined the military and got married after which my sister Jeanette was born followed two years apart by myself and my brother Jonathan. When I was about 5 years old for reasons, we the children cannot explain, the two divorced and my brother and I went with my father to Greenwood, NS to start our new life there. I know that there has always been a hole in my Dad's heart for the daughter that he had to leave behind. For years he always sang "Ballerina Girl" by Lionel Richie. For years I thought he was singing about me but later came to find out that that song always reminded him of Jeanette. I wasn't offended. I know that he loves me with every fiber of his being. I get a lot of my personality from my dad. The way he likes to joke away tough situations (as much as that drives my husband nuts.) It always drove me crazy growing up too. You'd be frustrated or angry about something and he would crack a joke. Or be silly. Life has had it's ups and downs, for me as an individual and for my family. But he has always been there for me and I know he always will. The day he walked me down the aisle he told my husband to be to "Take good care of my daughter... or I'll have to take you fishing." For those people who don't realize, that's code for "If you every hurt her you'll find yourself at the bottom of the lake in cement boots." And that sort of sums up my Dad.

My Dad met my mom after we moved back to NS. She was his best friend from high school and was living in Sydney with her daughter Amanda who was one year younger than me. I remember when he told us he was going on a date. I straightened his tie, told him to make sure to bring her flowers and open the doors for her. I guess all I wanted to see was him happy again. And she really seems to be his soul mate. When they got married we all walked down the aisle together and when we were supposed to sit down we didn't. Much to the hilarity of the pastor, he married us all as a family. My mom took me in and cared for me as if I was her own. I won't say everything was always perfect. Our blended family had it's problems here and there.She is an inspiration to me. Through everything she had useful advice and a lot of hugs and support. She encouraged me to do the things that made me happy and still does to this day. She was there for me when I had Joshua and later when I got married and had my other two children. She is intelligent and loving. I couldn't have asked for a better mother.

And that sums up my parents in as much detail as I can give.

Writer's Block: Homeward bound
bizlittlemomma
How would you describe your dream home?

Well, I just HAD to answer this question. :)

My dream home would be self cleaning. Quite simply. The laundry would wash, dry and fold itself, the kitchen would clean itself every time I cooked in there. My bed would make itself and the bathroom, OH the bathroom I would have. My toilet would even clean my buttocks for me. No toys left all over the floor because they would magically put themselves back on the shelves. Dust would be non-existent. My dream home would be so good at cleaning, it would even suck all of the CO2 out of the air to clean that up as well. 

With a beautiful indoor wave pool, sauna and whirlpool. It wouldn't hurt to throw in a muscle bound pool man with a hidden talent for massage. :P

If my dream came true and my house did all of that, think of all the time I would have to spend doing all of the things I want to do. Like break out the boardgames with my kids, help them with their homework, take them to the playground and on picnics. I could take naps and long showers. (Not to mention the massages and pool time.) I could sit back and relax with my husband whenever I felt like it instead of the two of us wondering what chore to do next. Life has gotten to be too much about what needs to get done. Not enough about living each moment to the fullest.

Oh the books that I would read, the friends that I would spend time with, the shopping I would do...

People can dream right?

Joshua's first day of Grade 5
bizlittlemomma
I am happy to report that Joshua's first day of school went really well. All that apprehension for nothing. Why do we do that to ourselves? There's really no need.

He is in the homeroom that he wanted to be in. Mr. Penny. He's the gym teacher from last year and he is pretty familiar with him already. He didn't give me a lot of detail on the school work he did but told me that they practiced a fire drill and that he did a lot of things with his buddy Riley. They're locker buddies, and seat buddies and fire drill buddies. I'm glad that he's exited about making friends. And I'm glad we have day one done and over with. On to day 2.

I took Zachary to play group at the playground today too which he liked very much. He was happy to be outside and playing on the playground equipment. Alexander had a good time playing with the rocks too. (He wound up trying to eat too many of them for me to leave him on the ground for too long though.) :)

A good day all in all. What a relief. I wonder what tomorrow...oops I mean today will bring. I guess I should get some sleep.

A month of Stuff - Day 2 (sorry so late)
bizlittlemomma
My first love in great detail...

Well, let's see, little girl crushes aside (because I think I was in love with Donnie Whalberg since adolescence.) my first love is not an experience I like to remember. I still have nightmares about that relationship in a very serious way. So we'll avoid the first love to preserve my sanity and move on to the second boy I loved in my life.

My second relationship with a guy was with Dave, a boy that had apparently had a crush on me back in grade 5 and had never come to tell me about it until we were starting grade 11. I was so flattered that someone could hold on to a crush for so long that I was swept off my feet. We spent a lot of time hanging out with friends and just having as much fun as we possibly could. Dave was very outdoorsy and liked to get out a lot. We spent time with his family who were really great and generally just tried to be teenagers. I guess that's what I liked about him. He didn't expect too much of me nor I of him. I appreciated his down to earth personality. He was raised right and treated me well.

And then we spent a summer mostly apart when I was working on the base with the cadet movement. I guess we grew apart or he got to be interested in other people, I don't really have an explanation for it but he broke up with me when we started grade 12. I spent a few months heartbroken and trying to find myself. I don't think I realized how much I had lost myself in the relationship. When November rolled around we started hanging around again and one rainy night everyone decided they wanted to go for a drive. So we all divided up into the three cars that were there and took a ride around some very windy roads. Two of our cars wound up in an accident together. A pretty bad one. Anyway, the shock of that must have brought us back together because we told each other we loved each other driving home from the accident and we were together for the rest of the school year. I really don't know if he did that just because we were in the accident or not. But we did have a lot of fun for the remainder of the year. I grew to trust him with my heart and soul. But like most high school relationships ours had to end. We were both going on in different directions. He doesn't really keep in touch any more. But I do know that he is happily married with a few kids. I'm very glad he's happy and still cherish the time we did spend together. Not everyone can say they had as much fun as we did throughout our relationship.

And that was a summary of my second love. That will have to do.

A month of Stuff - Day 1
bizlittlemomma
Okay, so totally going to steal this list from Jellyjen, because I have no idea whether or not I will be able to come up with anything to write on my own. So at the least, this gives it enough stuff to actually call it a Journal.

So day 1 requires an introduction. It's funny but the first thing I want to do is write about my husband and kids not myself. Because they are such a big part of who I am. I suppose because this is my journal I shall start with myself. My name is Malinda Dawn. I was born a Drover but am now a Little. Married life seems to suit me just fine. I had my first child when I was 21 which at the time may have seemed too early in my life but in retrospect I was not doing anything useful with my life at the time so I might as well have dove right into something worthwhile. And my children have generally become and extension of myself and are definitely worthwhile.

We live in a small town in Newfoundland. I grew up mainly in different parts in Nova Scotia but have lived a few other places based on the fact that my father was a military man. I married a man who had stayed in one place all his life so I guess we sort of balance each other out that way. I am a person who perpetually, indefinitely hates to be alone. I love to be surrounded by good people. After having kids I sort of got a little isolated and started experiencing some depression and anxiety. But generally I am a positive person. I enjoy and am drawn to optimism.

I am creative. I don't really have a direction when it comes to a career (unless motherhood counts.) I sort of describe myself as the woman with the many hats. Due to the fact that I have tried so many jobs. My latest job has been at Wal Mart. I started out in the photo lab developing pictures and providing customer service. I liked it but the chemicals in there made me think I should maybe switch to a different department while I was pregnant with our third child. So I have also worked on the front cash there and the door as a greeter. The jobs I have done there do seem pretty mundane. And they are. But since I have been there I have gotten involved in some of the fund raising that they do for local charities and that has helped me nurture the creative side that has been neglected for so many years. It doesn't hurt that I like to know that I am helping other people. The people that know me the best know that I would probably take the shirt off my back and give it to someone if I thought they needed it. I am learning slowly in my life that I need to look after myself a little better before I can be there for other people. A hard lesson for the nurturing side of me.

I feel like life is a limitless bounty of lessons. If you never stop learning you will never stop growing. People have their own distinct personalities and the differences between them is what I feel makes this world a beautiful place. I wish that people would embrace each others differences. Accepting people as they are and not as they could be is the best thing anyone could do for themselves and for everyone else they come across. If you haven't found someone who will accept you as the wonderfully unique person that you are, keep looking and don't give up until you do. At the least, let that be yourself.


Day 01 - Introduction
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favourite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favourite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favourite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail

Up with a teething baby
bizlittlemomma
Poor little Alexander seems to be getting all of his teeth at once. He's ten months old now and has only recently had the two bottom teeth poke through his sore little gums. And when you look into his mouth (or when I let him chew on my finger) you can tell that he's got all of them ready to break through the surface. So the poor little guy woke from a deep sleep tonight crying and chewing on his little fingers. Alas, I had to go and get him and now he is happily chewing on a cool teething ring after a dose of infant tylenol. I truly hope he finds a way to get back to sleep. Or I will be one tired mama by the morning.

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