As I greet the day I am filled with an apprehension that I just cannot explain. Not easily anyway. Today I lack the motivational push required to push me forward through the sludge that seems to be my life right now. I feel a little stuck. Doing the same things day in and day out. Alone. And yet, I am surrounded by my children. Not the same I suppose.
I imagine part of this apprehension may come from the fact that Joshua will yet again begin another school year on Wednesday. And although the previous year had been the best he has ever had, I find myself bracing myself for his reaction to a new class and a whole new year of new classwork and new homework and well... newness. Joshua has always taken comfort in the familiar. So while almost everyone else I talk to have been rejoicing in the new pencils and erasers and notebooks, I have been feeling the anxiety building.
Apart from feeling apprehensive about this new school year, I feel so unorganized it pains me to think how quickly the hours are winding down before I have to send him to catch the bus for the first time this year. I haven't yet finished painting his room which has been plaguing me since before Alexander was born. The laundry piles up quicker than I can blink my eye and there is forever a trail of cheerios on my beautiful new hardwood floors. I have no idea how I am going to drag my behind out of bed on Wednesday morning to get him out the door.
And alas, all of this seems even harder while having to endure it without my husband who I feel as though is going to be perpetually absent for more time than I would ever have given thought to. I guess I think of it like my enjoyment of tea. A good cup of tea is better enjoyed with good company. So I suppose I will make an attempt to "rise up" and embrace the new school year with the best gusto I can muster.